Dealing with Toxic Coworkers

There is an ancient Chinese proverb that often is used to refer to passive aggression: “Behind the smile, a hidden knife!”  Searching this phrase on the internet yields a wealth of information on passive aggression. 

According to the medical practice and research group Mayo Clinic™, “passive-aggressive people tend to express their negative feelings harmfully, but indirectly. Instead of dealing with issues, they behave in ways that veil their hostility and mask their discontent.”  This behavior may be due to the feeling of helplessness or the feeling that their opinions don’t matter. 

It is important to note that while everyone can exhibit this behavior occasionally, a “true” passive aggressive does so constantly.  While they claim that they are not mad and that nothing is wrong, they respond indirectly by being late, claiming helplessness (I couldn’t complete that task because I needed someone else to do their part), deliberately delaying a project or disguising insults as “just joking.” They may do a poor job if they felt the deadline was unreasonable and often misunderstand on purpose. Common phrases they use include “whatever,” “I didn’t know you meant now” “I thought you knew,” “maybe”, “yes, but” and many more.

The object of this article is not for you to label employees as passive aggressive or to try to change them. The latter is not possible. But you can change the way you collaborate with them and understand a little more about their motivation. 

If problem person is your coworker, do your best to keep your distance if possible and to set boundaries. Without boundaries, some employees may take advantage of or offload their assigned tasks onto others. Be clear on how you expect to be treated by them. Explain you will not pick up their slack as this enables their bad behavior. If this is a recurring situation, consider notifying your employer or practice manager. 

If you are the employer or supervisor of the problem person, evaluate your response to questions and feedback when approached by your employees. Are you likely to lose your temper when approached with a problem, or are you too busy to listen carefully? 

When giving instructions, do not do it by text, email or note. Do it face to face and if possible, have a “witness” nearby. When emailing or texting, there can be a possibility of miscommunication between the two parties. Another factor to consider when sending an email or text message rather than communicating face to face is that the tone of the message is hard to interpret. This too can lead to misunderstandings.

Be clear on deadlines, quality of work expected and consequences if instructions are not followed. 

Remember these people often feel helpless and feel their opinions do not matter. If they seem reluctant to do a task a certain way, asking their opinion may help. Constructive criticism delivered in a positive and encouraging way will usually accomplish more than a sarcastic tirade in getting a goal accomplished.

Always document performance talks in personnel files, especially for chronically difficult employees and be clear about consequences of poor performance. Regularly scheduled feedback sessions are a crucial factor. Attempt to pair constructive criticism with recognition of where the employee excelled. 

Consider asking employees to confidentially critique the practice as a whole and let them offer suggestions on improving efficiency in their area. This can also provide a bit of security in the workplace for employees to submit concerns confidentially as well as letting them know their opinions matter. 

Another awkward situation: What if you are the employee (new associate veterinarian in a less authoritative position,) and you must supervise a long-time staff member? It can be challenging to “manage up” when you are the less senior person on any team but sometimes it is necessary, such as in instances when you have greater experience with a particular situation. But how do you delicately provide direction to someone who will more than likely challenge your authority? “I’ve been here longer, and I know how the owner wants things done.” While this won’t seem simple, it can be done. Your approach really matters here. Appealing to a common goal, using humor, and taking a nonjudgmental stance in offering assistance (or all three) are good bets in engaging this situation constructively in order to have a good outcome.   

Finally, if you are the boss, be the boss. It is extremely hard to play the role of boss and friend and it can lead to even more problems such as claims of favoritism, “clicking” and alienation of other employees.